Just to get it out of the way, I’m going to tell you a little bit about me so you can forget about me. I am more than old enough to get medicare and social security, for which I am deeply grateful. I am a woman. I am white. I am gay.
Although my livelihood came from editing other people's words, now that I have retired I find I really enjoy telling my own story with my own words without the editing. I am stocky. Okay, more than stocky. I have short-cropped, thick gray hair, fading blue eyes, and I’m about five feet six inches tall, although I seem to be shrinking.
From a young age I knew I was a lesbian, but for many years I tried really hard not to be. When I found a man I thought I could make it work with, I tried to convince myself that I enjoyed his strength. It gave mine a rest. But after about two and half weeks, I realized that domination was in his DNA and being a doting mother was not in mine. But as soon as I vowed I would try again to love a man, along would come a soft, round, delicious, spirited soul wrapped up in a lady’s package.
Nothing can compare to loving a woman. When I caress her cheek, if she closes her eyes and leans her head into my hand, I melt at the tenderness. When my hand explores feminine curves and mounds, if she arches her back and softly moans, I ache with the immense joy of bringing her pleasure. If she laughs, or whistles, or plants a flower, I want to be her witness. If she cries or pounds her fist in anger, I want to be her confidant. It’s just who I am.
When the five of us agreed to live together, it was temporarily. We would each build our own tiny-ish house on the property, leaving the "ranch house" for Pen and our common areas. Turns out the ranch house, after living in it for a year, is pretty rustic. Basic, really. For one, there is no insulation in the house. Not in the walls and not in the ceilings. Also the hot water spits at you from each and every faucet--flowing is a rarity. And the lights dim every time you turn on a major appliance. It's big though. But cold in the winter; hot in the summer. And it is pretty ugly. More like a beat up old bunk house than something worth renovating. So change of plans.
Pen, our unofficial leader and benefactor, has spent the last several months going back and forth with an architect coming up with a plan to meet all of our needs. Two weeks ago the plan passed the county regulatory hoops and we attained the building permit. So now the plan for the 20 acre parcel includes five individual living spaces (850 square foot houses), each equipped with a small kitchen, laundry area, eating bar between the kitchen and living area, computer nook, and bedroom and bath. We can each be self contained and self sufficient.
Now the new "ranch house" will just be our gathering space with a large living room, large dining area, two art studios, a reading/music room with a fireplace, and a big screen porch with one wall that retracts onto a garden patio. The patio will have a 270 degree view of the surrounding desert and mountains. When I say mountains I'm not talking the Rockies Mountains. I'm talking really big hills cresting into a middle peak that could be called a mountain.
We are all getting pretty darn excited.
Updated: Jun 24, 2023
I have no good answer for you, except that it’s easier and more fun than starting a novel. Not that I’ve ever written a novel. I just know I want to write something longer than a tweet.
To tell you the truth, I’m not that good at starting things. I've always been clumsy with beginnings. If I’m meeting someone new, I don’t know how to stop the river that is my life to let them join me for a while. Do I pretend I’m standing on dry land? Do I jump out of my river to stand in theirs? Do I want our rivers to mingle?
Pen, who is my longest and deepest connection on this planet, says I think too much. “Just see what’s in front of you instead of all that’s behind you,” she has advised many times.
“You’re right,” I say, wishing she were. But she’s not. I am who I am—sometimes turbulent, sometimes muddy. If you’re willing to take a ride, I'd like to try starting one with you.
